Negative New Year Nellies

From children to adults, we all love new! It's a proven fact! Kids love the promise of new toys and if you walk around any car accessories area in a store looking for an air fresher scent you can easily find one called "new car" scent. We absolutely, positively love new. So when the new year rolls in people are excited for new experiences, new adventures, and the possibilities of new opportunities. Everyone feels like they can take on the world, or the issues of their lives, and press forward to victory.

We also know by the end of the month, if not earlier, most people abandon their pursuits and sink back into whatever were their habits before the ball dropped and the clock striked twelve. But honestly, should our focus remain there? I believe as an online community we need to be in the business of spurning each other on, not regurgitating the defeats that possibly lies in the future.

As I visited various social media platforms today it was interesting to see how many people are taking part in the war against resolutions. Resolutions are not the problem, it's the fact that we normally stop at the resolution, which means we go no farther than making a wish, that's the problem. Not truly looking at the behaviors we need to change relearn in order to inch us closer to achieving our resolution goal.

We have heard it said before that it takes about a month to form a new habit. Others would argue that it takes even longer than that! What we can agree on is that habit forming whether new or relearned is a process and processes take time.

My Twitter page for the new year. I associate the struggles of life with sports, helps me to wrap my brain around it.

Dead Man Walking

I can remember a time in life when I thought I could numb myself to the pains of this world. I have a strong hermit gene that I constantly have to fight against. I prefer to stay at home over anything else. Being in my safe four walls where I command the comings and goings was definitely my first preference. Clubs, bars, even small sporting events in this area didn't excite me. My financial issues made me just want to focus on going to work, paying bills, sleep, and repeat. I saw no true joy in life, just a mediocre existence of repetition. Work, pay bills, sleep, repeat... with being drawn into other people's issues helping to break up the monotony just a little. The sad part was I was willing to live with that existence. Emphasis on "existence" because I was not really living.

Honestly I was just a "dead man walking". People around me couldn't tell it. I functioned at work, gave my best efforts, and kept it moving. I functioned at home, paid bills, help to take care of my mother, and kept it moving. Around family I gathered, conversed, enjoyed that time, and kept it moving. Yet, inside I was stagnate, emotionally unmoved, and uninspired. So how did I get out of that death trap?

Here are a few things I learned to do that took me from merely existing to be determined to enjoy my life.

Great Leaders Lead By Example

Today we throw the term “leader” around quite haphazardly. Some who have been bestowed this honorabletitle actually haven’t yet paid the dues to deserve it. If you have no clue what I am talking about or names/faces started flashing in your mind then you definitely should read on.

Leaders are people who realize that the best way to lead is by example. Whatever yourexpectations are for your team, comes from your experience in achieving that milestone and your persistence in making it to the next level. Take teaching for example. I encouraged students for years to read and write through their summer break. I preached on why it was important and encouraged them to continue to hone and develop those skills even during their vacation time. If they wanted to continue to advance and be ready for the next school year they couldn't lose ground. Summer was not an excuse to slack off!

Relationship Web

I absolutely love seeing comments on the internet that single people have no right to talk about relationships. I mean how could someone who is not in a committed relationship even comment on how to have a good relationship. Of course I am being sarcastic. People seem to have tunnel vision when it comes to relationships. It’s constantly defined as a bond between a loved and his/her beloved. That’s still not clear. It’s constantly defined as two strangers who come together and overcome the challenges of two becoming one in mind, body, soul, and spirit. Honestly that’s only one of the many relationships you will experience in life, and yes, a single person would not be able to comment or give advice on that union.

 On the other hand there are many other relationships that we become involved in before the “coupe de gras”.  One thing this single person has learned is that preparation for the union to my beloved is practiced through the unions I create every day with the people around me. From my God, to my family, to my coworkers, to my boss, I am intertwined in various relationships that function in very distinct areas on very different levels. Each relationship has taught me a lesson about being connected to others.

So here are five things I’ve learned about being a good” partner” in any relationship I am involved in:

Stirring Up Your Gifts

It is so easy to stay motivated when you have people cheering you on, but what about those times in life when the crowd is silenced or not particularly concerned with what you feel is an important plight? This is the most pivotal point when it comes to accessing your goals. You have to know how to motivate yourself, or stir up your gifts. It’s not the job of the crowd to propel you towards your dreams, honestly most of your audience will not jump on the bandwagon until you’re almost about to cross the finish line. Which means it is very important that you believe in yourself and are able to motivate yourself from the beginning to the end.

Here are five things I’ve learned about staying motivated to achieve goals.

Are You Willing to Pay the Cost?

One of the shows I love watching on HGTV is "The Property Brothers". On this show twin brothers, Drew and Jonathan Scott, try to help future homeowners find the home of their dreams. They first find a home that has everything the buyer wants on their list. They take the buyers to the property, walk them around it , and "wows" them. Everything they want is wrappped up in one pretty little or big package. Then the brothers hit them with the bottom line, the cost. This is where the buyers get the gut check, and all of them, after hearing the price, look as though they were sucker punched, blindsided, hoodwinked... you get my drift. Then the brothers go on to explain that they can help the buyers get exactly what they want if they look at taking another approach to getting it. Next, the two brothers do their thing in finding properties that can be restored and turned into their buyer's dream home. At the end of the show you have happy buyers thanking the brothers for a job well done and a home that exceeded their expectations. Isn't that just like life?

Go For The Gold

I am very proud of all of our Olympic athletes who are representing the United States of America in London. Their years of discipline, commitment, and dedication to their sporting events are inspiring! It's also amazing to see the excitement that builds for the Olympics and championship games in various sports. We position ourselves in front of the television for hours, if we aren't lucky enough to be front and center at the event, and coach our teams or chosen individuals to greatness. We feel the intensity of that moment right there on the sofa or in our favorite chair! We share the beaming sense of pride in their victory and are quick to rationalize what their shortcomings were if they were defeated. It is so easy to be a Monday morning quarterback, to look from the outside and criticize critique others.

 

Run For Life

I'm going to take a minute and list a few things we run from in life:

1. dogs
2. responsibilities
3. danger
4. people who are chasing you
5. people you don't want to see
6. LIFE

Wait a minute, how do you run from life? Honestly, I ran from life by preoccupying myself with meaningless things that took my mind off my issues and made me too tired to worry about anyone else. Don't get me wrong, if I could do anything to help, I did. I organized various school projects from food drives to supplies for soldiers overseas. I wanted to instill in my students the importance of reaching beyond their comfort zones to help someone else's needs. Yet, I was so bogged down with financial issues, family issues, job issues, etc. I really didn't get time to truly look at the world around me since I was drowning in my own issues!

At the beginning of 2012, I declared that this year would be different. I rung in the new year creating a vision board to really focus on what I wanted to accomplish in my life, not just this year. One thing I really wanted to do was to become more physically active. Thanks to my sister I registered a few years ago for my first 10K and had done a few other events since then. This year I wanted to focus on a healthier lifestyle and better physical fitness. I also wanted to "savor other people's happiness". I want to reach beyond my comfort zone and bring awareness to issues that stir me to tears. Not the silent kind of tears, but the tears that come from a place so deep that your body quakes with each drop. The kind of issue that clings to you and when a new occurence surfaces, past heard of transgressions come vividly to mind. I didn't realize for me, seeds had been planted in 2009.

Ultimate Road Trip Adventure Pictures

The farthest I've driven from my city is probably five hours visiting family in North Carolina. So I was excited to take this road trip to the Midwest. Riding in a car for over ten hours, gives you lots of time to snooze, talk and even more time to think. I spent most of my awake time staring out the window at the landscape. I'm a coastal "lowcountry" girl, the only "mountains" I have to worry about are the ones they call speed bumps outside a local Piggly Wiggly!

Passing through Tennesee

The Ultimate Road Trip

As I stated in my last post, one of my aunt's has earned here doctorate. This makes it two family members that I know of with doctorate degrees. My late aunt Dr. Patricia Cooper ( dad's sister) and the soon to be (officially) Dr. Charlene Holmes ( mom's sister).

Charlene at Capella University in Minneapolis, Minnesota

She graduated from Capella University and was adamant about traveling to Minnesota and walking across the stage to receive her degree. After all that hard work I don't blame her! So this radical road warrior actually got an opportunity to go on a road trip with my aunt & uncle.

Celebrate the Milestones

Yesterday my mother and I went out to dinner with one of my aunts to celebrate the completion of her process to obtain her doctorate degree. After years of hard work and  overcoming distractions, her ultimate goal is a reality. The only thing left to do is step across that stage and receive her degree. We promised that we would treat her to dinner when this time arrived. Well the time is now and the place was here...

If you are a true BBQ connoisseur or just love good southern home cooking, this is definitely the place to be. This is where our celebration was scheduled to happen and my reflection kicked into high gear. Must have been something in the bbq sauce!

Rethinking My Thinking

Have you ever sat down and thought about what you think about? I mean really think about the ideas that travel through your mind. You know things you've learned, things you've been told, and stuff that just seems to creep in there with no real source that comes to mind. Now a days we barely have time to just sit down without some problem arising that needs to be solved, or some request that needs to be granted. Not to mention we also live in a world where distractions are the norm. Look around you as you travel through your day.  Of course this would mean not fidgeting with your smart phone or any other electronic device. Everything we could ever imagine accessing is right at our finger tips. From checking your email, to reading your favorite book, updating your social networking sites, or viewing your favorite show. The possibilities of the many places you can go without moving is limitless! We have what I will call "distraction overload". This hinders sitting still and getting quiet. I mean just thinking about it feels wrong.

But there comes a time when we need to sit still and get quiet. A period of time everyday where all the noises of life disappear and the only thing we have to contend with is our thoughts. Now I am as guilty as anyone else of allowing distractions to keep me, well, distracted, and obligations to keep me on the move and obligated. Who we are and how far we will go is directly connected to what we think. We've all heard the definition of insanity (doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results). Well this past decade has been insane!  I invite you to journey with me as I travel the road of reflection and take time to think about what I think about. Some thoughts may be proven true; others will have to be dismissed. The only way to change my outcomes is to change my actions. The only way to change my actions is to change my thoughts. The only way I can change my thoughts is to be real regarding what I think. The only way I can be real about what I think, is to think about what I think about. It just keeps coming full circle! So this is my process of rethinking my thinking...