Dead Man Walking

I can remember a time in life when I thought I could numb myself to the pains of this world. I have a strong hermit gene that I constantly have to fight against. I prefer to stay at home over anything else. Being in my safe four walls where I command the comings and goings was definitely my first preference. Clubs, bars, even small sporting events in this area didn't excite me. My financial issues made me just want to focus on going to work, paying bills, sleep, and repeat. I saw no true joy in life, just a mediocre existence of repetition. Work, pay bills, sleep, repeat... with being drawn into other people's issues helping to break up the monotony just a little. The sad part was I was willing to live with that existence. Emphasis on "existence" because I was not really living.

Honestly I was just a "dead man walking". People around me couldn't tell it. I functioned at work, gave my best efforts, and kept it moving. I functioned at home, paid bills, help to take care of my mother, and kept it moving. Around family I gathered, conversed, enjoyed that time, and kept it moving. Yet, inside I was stagnate, emotionally unmoved, and uninspired. So how did I get out of that death trap?

Here are a few things I learned to do that took me from merely existing to be determined to enjoy my life.

Rethinking My Thinking

Have you ever sat down and thought about what you think about? I mean really think about the ideas that travel through your mind. You know things you've learned, things you've been told, and stuff that just seems to creep in there with no real source that comes to mind. Now a days we barely have time to just sit down without some problem arising that needs to be solved, or some request that needs to be granted. Not to mention we also live in a world where distractions are the norm. Look around you as you travel through your day.  Of course this would mean not fidgeting with your smart phone or any other electronic device. Everything we could ever imagine accessing is right at our finger tips. From checking your email, to reading your favorite book, updating your social networking sites, or viewing your favorite show. The possibilities of the many places you can go without moving is limitless! We have what I will call "distraction overload". This hinders sitting still and getting quiet. I mean just thinking about it feels wrong.

But there comes a time when we need to sit still and get quiet. A period of time everyday where all the noises of life disappear and the only thing we have to contend with is our thoughts. Now I am as guilty as anyone else of allowing distractions to keep me, well, distracted, and obligations to keep me on the move and obligated. Who we are and how far we will go is directly connected to what we think. We've all heard the definition of insanity (doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results). Well this past decade has been insane!  I invite you to journey with me as I travel the road of reflection and take time to think about what I think about. Some thoughts may be proven true; others will have to be dismissed. The only way to change my outcomes is to change my actions. The only way to change my actions is to change my thoughts. The only way I can change my thoughts is to be real regarding what I think. The only way I can be real about what I think, is to think about what I think about. It just keeps coming full circle! So this is my process of rethinking my thinking...